Mes Ami,
By my own design I have declared that I will be commentating on all things soccer/football/fútbol for all to see. This will include my scorching hot takes on people playing soccer everywhere from the streets of Burkina Faso, to the Santiago Bernabéu, to your girlfriend’s backyard (day-o).
I have decided to transform my otherwise self indulgent existence and bless the world with inspiring rhetoric on a topic that unites us all in a way that simply no other sport can. My self qualified credentials have passed with flying colors and I have deemed myself worthy of this great responsibility. Having played/observed soccer for most all of my life the time has come to put these experiences into organized thoughts. I must hang up the boots and go from joga bonito (but did I ever?) to writing bonito. As a result of America being in the Stone Age in terms of appreciation for the world’s best sport (things are improving) I have only really watched professional soccer for my adult life (deprived childhood). Alas, I will put my best foot forward (pun intended) on this valiant crusade.
I enjoy the sport so much that I even made it the subject of the thesis for my undergraduate degree in the ever so lucrative field of Anthropology. I somehow got a “B” as the final grade, but everything the professor said about the paper indicated he just never wanted to talk to me again; so he passed me in a way that would make sure I was in no way commended for my work but would not be pissed off enough to question as to why I received anything lower than a slightly above average grade. All the world’s a motherfucking stage. But anyways, I figured I could put the liberal arts to work (desperate times) and expand on the immaculate opus that was my thesis on soccer. The essay delved into how it all began (think Mesoamerican cave drawings), evolved, who decided to make rules around the otherwise unrefined kicking about of a round object (hint: it was the same people who put the rules in place around everything including the bland language I am writing in…) etc. You get the point.
So why the name Favela Zone? Easy answer. The best soccer players hail from the streets of Brazil and favelas are the shantytowns that produce many of these players. Brazil’s national team is historically fun as hell to watch but above all they play with a skill and freedom that is simply unmatched. Bottom line is they play soccer more attractively than anyone else. There’s somethin in that Amazon water…
Also, who could forget that 1998 World Cup commercial of the Brazilian national team playing soccer in the airport? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP5Ye5-LES8
So why am I blogging now you ask? Because I like soccer and I like making fun of people (when they deserve it). I also want money so share my blog with people. You can expect a lot of unfiltered posts about these sons of bitches that get paid millions of dollars to kick a ball (or in Sergio Ramos’ case injure people and pretend to be a forward) and the arrogant bastards that manage these modern day gladiators (José Mourinho, Zinedine Zidane, Ronald Koeman, etc.. the list goes on and on).
Furthermore, I am part of a fantasy Premiere League (shout out Chop Your Money) so I will be sure to share scathing reviews on the latest player or in most cases manager who has screwed me over in the most recent run of fixtures.
More to come…