2022 – Year of the Rabbit (Aztec Calendar)

Happy New Year! (Year of the Rabbit starts in March but whatever)

Hello Everyone I am back. I hope everyone’s 2022 New Years celebrations were as spectacular as mine. Thanks to my vast network of globetrotting fuckbois, I am never short on opportunities to travel the world. The latest excursion was to none other than the infamous El Salvador. Once known as the the murder capital of the world as recently as 2016, the sole country of Central America that borders the Pacific Ocean and not the Atlantic Ocean has really turned it around. My stay lasted five short days, but they were truly glorious. The food was incredible (took me by surprise); even the simplest preparation of beef at a bar was melt in your mouth tender. The meat proved more succulent than that of a stateside five star restaurant (the third world has got the best cuisine – $3 will take you further than $100 in the first world). The national dish, the pupusa, which can be described as a round flat dumpling/flour pancake looking dish filled with any combination of beans, cheese and your choice of meat was piping hot and prepared by smiling locals. The women loved me and the beach in el Zonte had clean, pleasantly tempered waters, albeit not the most colorful, but any shortcomings in physical qualities the beach may have had was made up for by the most spectacular seaside sunset I have ever beheld.

The people of El Salvador believed my plug for fantasy information, Rod Pulga J, was a famous soccer player, and whilst on a volcano hike, this entertaining misconception prompted the locals to swarm him and ask for photos. What a time to be alive.

But anyway, back to soccer. Times are quite bizarre, and not just because of Covid (insert letter of Greek Alphabet). Let’s check in with the team that rivals even Manchester United for drama (hard to believe this is possible), Arsenal. This team is full of young talent that has not fully blossomed, but are well on their way. Martin Odegaard (former Norwegian wonderkid) that had been a Real Madrid loan journeyman seems to have finally found a permanent home. Also, Emile Smith Rowe, the homegrown Brit, is proving to be Mason Mountish in not having a name that emanates clout but he continues to produce effective performances on the regular. The ranks of young aspiring gunners also include Bukayo Saka (young lion cub) who was arguably Arsenal’s most consistent player last season (though his form has dipped this season and he had left my FPL team out to dry on more than one occasion) and Gabriel Martinelli, the Brazilian classic, a throwback to the days of old circa Heleno de Freitas minus the fiery temper and off field shenanigans (yet…).

So yeah I actually did watch this movie and it was…. interesting. Basically its about some dude that has it all on and off the pitch but was ridiculously arrogant and liked to party irresponsibly. I did some extra research and apparently he was kind of the man and a world class talent (they made a movie about him after all); yet a tale as old as time cautionary story of the lethal cocktail that is produced by mixing arrogance, substance abuse (Ether addiction anyone), and womanizing (yeah I like to fuck I got a fuckin problem). He seems to have inspired the antics of George Best and other fellow Brazilians Garrincha, Alexandre Pato, Ronaldinho (the list goes on) to name a few. Hopefully Martinelli can emulate this man on the pitch, but not so much off it!

For as exciting and in form Arsenal have looked of late (I was convinced Arteta would be sacked at start of the season) there is an issue that has been bothering me greatly for the past few seasons – this elephant in the room is none other than, Nicolas Pepe.

Touted as Arsenal’s marquee signing (for a whopping 72 million pounds) prior to the 2019 season, expectations galore were placed on the former Ligue 1 standout. To say the start to his gunners career was rocky would be an understatement. Though I have to say I am mightily impressed with the Ivorian’s turnaround, especially last season. What makes it all the more impressive is that his best days in an Arsenal jersey happened while probably the most ridiculously insulting investigation I have ever witnessed was under way. Apparently the top dogs at Arsenal were so displeased with Pepe’s first year at the club that they found it necessary to investigate their whole scouting staff that was responsible for bringing the man to North London. Ok, the man was expensive, this is true, but was he THAT bad? What makes it all the more ridiculous is it seems the club took no issue that the investigation was made public and on top of that they were doing it while he was an active member of the team. I don’t know what world we are in, but I feel like if there is any way to kill a player’s confidence, this would be it. These people need a reality check because blatantly conducting this beyond self esteem wrecking appraisal in plain sight is wrong on so many levels. Well, it does not seem to matter so much these days as the marquee signing has found himself on the outside looking in with Arteta putting his faith in the youths.

Some other interesting blame games are going around as well. It seems as if all of my commentary from last season regarding Ole Gunnar Solskjaer and Mediocre United has come to fruition. United remained trophyless under Bilbo, and the inconsistent form and drubbing at the hands of Watford (eesh) caused the orcs (Glazer family) to mobilize and sack the shire. They then decided that because German coaches are the new it girls at Premiere League High (Thomas Troll Tuchel and Chelsea along with Jurgen Toolbag Klopp and Liverpool) it made sense to sign the first available German coach (fad frenzy) with a half decent resume (enter Ralf Rangerdick [Rangnick]). I could listen to those accents all day long, and the high press when executed correctly does lend itself to some cracking football. But what is hilarious is that the prodigal son Cristiano dorkiest celebration of all time Ronaldo (I’m still cringing) has been blamed for Manchester United’s form. I think whatever journalist decided to start this conspiracy theory caused their respective media outlet to get hella hits, other journalists then followed suit, and the narrative snowballed.

Have we ALL not been watching Manchester United over the past decade since Ferguson left? The fact that we are blaming a player that has come back and bailed the club out over the course of make or break games is also ridiculous (he’s also their top scorer with 14 goals in all competitions). People are creating heat maps of where he is and how he plays and doesn’t track back, etc. Its absurd. This is a legend who could be at this point gambling in Monaco with princes, partying in Miami with supermodels, or getting paid Arab Shayk money in the middle east (James took the lead, cut his losses and signed for Al-Rayyan SC of the Qatar Stars League); yet he wanted to return and help the club where he made his name, and THIS is the thanks he gets (facepalm).

Speaking of players that have returned to their old club to provide much needed direction; Dani Alves has done just that with Barcelona, and he has made an instant impact at the age of 38. Barcelona has really gone downhill after the exit of the internationally decorated troll Messi; and this demonstrates that everything (successes, failures) really do move in cycles for people, places and things (otherwise known as nouns). It’s hard to believe that a decade ago Barca was the most feared team in all of Europe. Barca are on their way to a facelift, already acquiring the services of young Ferran Torres from Manchester City (stay cut short much?) and apparently are looking to sign former Madrid slut Alvaro Morata (Juve’s whipping boy). Now that we are discussing La Liga, let’s move to the greatest collective of divas of them all, Real Madrid.

My oh my, talk about lighting up. Vinicius Junior (Young Megalodon aka Little Foot’s best friend) and Karim Benzema (sex tape hustler) have formed the most fearsome duo in La Liga (the world?). The duo was at work yet again when they put Barca to the sword in El Clasico just this past week in the Supercopa de Espana.

These two are really at it with 38 goals between the both of them in all competitions (simply astounding!). And to think, Benzema just a year ago was whispering to fellow Madrid players in French to not pass Vinicius Junior the ball. On top of that Carlo Ancelotti’s managerial career was spiraling downward finishing tenth place with Everton (a far cry from a coach of his caliber). How the gods have smiled on the wealthy Spanish club once more and revived those close to it. Vinicius Junior has finally added end product to his always electric, albeit raw game.

In other news my fantasy team “Di Boatsmen” currently sits 9^th in the league I am competing in (Fantasy With Feelings). This is not ideal and I am going to have to chalk this result up to injuries, poor form, and managerial decisions. There is still hope for a respectable finish, and we shall keep rowing, but powerplays will need to be made (correct differential captain picks and clever chip management are key). You can also find Favela Zone videos on youtube where I talk fantasy and picks. You can check out the channel at the link below (help me get to 100 subscribers so I can get a custom URL…)!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUrRfifGOO4OB4M49eEN1Ww/featured