Happy Holidays one and all. It’s been quite an interesting year that has seen us witness developments in the worlds of sports, politics, and pop culture that could not have been more bizarre. Amidst the capitalist branded “most wonderful time of the year” it is on us to find ways out of our respective snow dumps and spread holiday cheer. While it may be chilly outside, indoors we can combat these freezing temperatures by gathering around the warmth of a fireplace. Lord knows this festive season chestnuts won’t be the only things (people, places) getting roasted on an open fire.
Is there Such a thing as Being Too Perfect?
Yes, I wholeheartedly believe that there in fact is. And these two are the perfect (pun intended) examples. Ronaldo would be included if his less than admirable past had not caught up with him (stop and think before acting people) and we’ll throw Taylor Swift, Michael B. Jordan, and Lin-Manuel Miranda (the Hamilton dude) in as honorable mentions. Beyonce, the talented Houston starlet turned Jay-Z pet project has released a copious amount of music (including eight solo albums) and seems to have no plans of slowing down anytime soon. Meanwhile, Bradley Cooper (the Beyonce of acting), has no intention of shedding his squeaky clean teacher’s pet image (gag). The sober since 29 self-styled Hollywood new age golden boy (more like rooster) and the Queen Bey continue to remind us mere mortals that our insignificant little lives serve the purpose of supporting their ever so politically correct/woke agendas.
Like seriously, Yonce has had 20+ years in the industry and not a single (significant) scandal has taken place as a result of her actions (I blame the elevator bust up on her deviant husband, though it wouldn’t hurt to let Solange know that cooler heads prevail). The pompous Bradley Cooper (Becky with the good hair) has a string of hits himself (in the world of cinema) ranging from comedy, drama, to now musically oriented projects (the man went from singing in the shower to belting on stage with Lady Gaga). I can see right through the power hungry facades this duo maintains. I know I am not alone in my sentiment that these two continue to release obnoxiously cloy people pleasing content that after a point degrades the authenticity of the human experience (that is in fact far from perfect). Although they play their roles (albeit too well), in my mind they have stagnated in their respective professions and have opted to coast on cookie cutter images (if it ain’t broke don’t fix it). Unless these two have been replaced by androids (not the phones – think Dragon Ball Z), you know that on the inside they are more like the rest of us (facing turmoil and slowly dying) as opposed to the pitcher (pitch + picture) perfect content they create. You’d bet your bottom dollar that when the finale is concluded and the credits role, they have plenty of skeletons in their respective closets to go home to.
There comes a point where curated public personas and talking heads change from inspiring to overly try hard (time has a knack for grand reveals). Like come on, even the name “Higher Ground” (The Obamas’ production company) drips of self righteous pretension. Like produce an edgy comedy (‘Fatherhood’ does not count) and not solely films/podcasts that prove time and time again to be pandering layups. The seeds of change in the sphere of politics have grown into the latest industry plants of the film making business (zing!). With forcibly woke films like “Leave the World Behind” that seek to remind everyone (in case they forgot) that racism is alive and well while simultaneously spinning a run of the mill apocalypse yarn (this flick drowns in a catastrophic flood of mediocrity). The film was boring and the characters presented proved one dimensional. It also didn’t help that the dialogue was delivered in a paint by numbers manner.
Don’t Be Sensitive As Fuck Everyday (Words to Live by)
When you cannot win in the situation you find yourself in, this rapper is who you should turn to for life advice. Young Trinidad ironically communicates a solid message to the masses in the form of a hood rap title. The crux of his point is that for anybody pursuing anything in life – do not be so caught up in your feelings that you find yourself unable to get anything done. If you are so hell bent on looking perfect like the aforementioned group, you will never start at all (better to move fast and break things). It is a shame that this one hit wonder could not follow up that vibey, confident boost of an anthem “All Gold Everything” with any songs of consequence. His only echo of relevance since was being shouted out (plagiarized?) by Bruno Mars’ ‘Uptown Funk’ with the lifted line “don’t believe me just watch”. Rap in general has experienced a significant downturn in popularity in recent times (queue up the violins). 2025 was the first time in 35 years that not a single rap song charted on the top 40 of the Billboard Hot 100 (for two weeks). A superhero could be called to save the game in 2026 (watch this space *wink wink*).
Three’s A Crowd
Madrid’s Eyes are Proving Bigger than their Stomach
The decision making of these large clubs has long needed to be called into question (I am looking at you Man U – but we will be focusing on Madrid for now). Tell me what the hell is going on here? Trust me, I, just as much as anyone else suffer from shiny object syndrome. I most definitely want to have my cake and eat it too; but why the hell would you buy three world class left wingers? Managing egos is hard enough (positions aside), but how is any semblance of harmony on the pitch and in the dressing room to be established if you can only play one star consistently in their favored position? The other two players that would be starting for any other club would find themselves benched or played out of position. It is important to cater to the players’ individual strengths in order to get the best out of the team’s dynamic. I will now assert my proposal on how to best handle the situation at hand. The athletic dynamo that is Mbappe would make the left his own (no splitting time or overlap nonsense). Vinicius Junior, for all his heroics and contributions to Madrid’s trophy cabinet in the past, should be sold to the Saudis (to the left to the left, everything you own in the box to the left). Real would make a handsome sum and the incoming war chest would enable the team to reinvest the profits to buy a more dynamic midfielder (far gone are the days of Kroos, Casemiro, and Modric). Rodrygo should be slapped across the face in order to wake him up and encourage the suave Brazilian to play with a more clinical edge. I would utilize him as a free roaming attacking midfielder (yes he prefers the left but he absolutely has the quality to play inside). I am not apart of Madrid’s coaching staff (hit my line anytime Florentino Perez) but this plan of action would optimize performance within the current players at the squad’s disposal.
Warlocks of Wrexham
Wrexham AFC, the team that provides the perfect scenario of how marketing power can put a side that was wallowing in the lowest levels of professional soccer at the forefront of many a soccer fan’s consciousness. On a side note, this a concrete example of what I have discovered time and time again; – which is that you cannot let the success of others make you feel inadequate or that what you are pursuing is pointless. Because in a lot of ways people, the game (and life for that matter) is rigged. These two entertainment aficionados – Ryan Reynolds, who I do not know how on God’s green earth managed to get Hollywood titans to prop up his floundering career for the better part of a decade while playing insignificant/thin characters (not to mention starring in film’s that had mediocre showings at the box office). If he were any other aspiring Will Smith or Tom Cruise (see Taylor Kitsch’s career following the disappointment of ‘John Carter’) he would have flamed out, especially after the release of the less than inspiring Green Lantern film (lame duck at the box office). These greedy actors realized they would never make as much money as their egos could possibly desire from producing/acting (not everyone can be Seinfeld) and sought to diversify their business interests (far from the first entertainers to do so) and saw what a blind donkey could have, which is that soccer is the world’s most popular sport and would inevitably grow in popularity in America (an audience they already had exposure to as a result of thespian works). This observation resulted in the duo buying a stuttering (though historic – third oldest professional soccer club in Europe) soccer team for a cool £2 million. They rolled up and injected much needed cash (dreams money can buy) and put them in the spotlight through the documentary ‘Welcome to Wrexham’. Through no coincidence whatsoever, the manufactured fairy tale run has seen the team gain promotion from the lower leagues of English Football three seasons in a row to see them now competing in the Championship (second tier of professional English Football). Something tells me that this propped up Wrexham side will run out of fairy dust this season and NOT be promoted to the EPL. If (when) they are promoted, mark my words there will be no team I will be rooting more against than this Hollywood backed side.
The Institution of Marriage has Never Been More Under Threat
Bozo of the year Award goes to none other than Cash Warren
I mean come on now! What hope do the rest of us have if this man can’t make it work with this millennia’s Helen of Troy? I looked into the politically correct statement these two former love birds put out regarding their split and it is said that “they have lost the spark over the 17 year long marriage”. Sounds like Jessica Alba and Cash Warren were just sick of each other and wanted to YOLO while still relatively young (and fabulously wealthy relative to us commoners). But real talk – that is the hardest part of the human experience I suppose; – witnessing the slow process of someone you would cross oceans and go to war for, fading into becoming not much more than a roommate (The Dark Angel’s words not mine). In my opinion this seems to be an astute observation on the inevitable expiration date of most romantic relationships as opposed to specifically this one (my chemical romance).
Either way it will look like I will have to direct my attention towards another single bombshell Latina; -because as fast as Jessica Alba and Ana De Armas are on the market, they are just as quickly off it (not hard to see why). It seems that in recent years Hollywood’s latest Latina darling has directed her attention to washed up movie stars (First there was Ben Affleck and more recently Tom Cruise). I check one of the boxes (being washed up) but I am not a movie star (in this universe). Either way, if this Mango (Cuban way of calling a girl particularly attractive) happens to cross paths with me, a Christmas miracle could still take place. As history would have it, this Caribbean chica has already moved on (I’ll have another you in a minute). When another instance of disappointment occurs, all we can do is look in the mirror and see how we can better ourselves (New Year’s resolutions anyone?). A word to the wise, do not chase – attract (I am the prize).
You’re a Wizard Tommy!
Just not at coaching soccer. This Spurs side once again finds itself overflowing with attacking talent (not too shabby in defense and midfield either) but just cannot seem to click. With the proven offensive threats including the likes of Richarlison, Kolo Muani, newcomer yet goodcomer (made up word of the day) Lucas Bergvall, and the quality in defense with stalwart Christian Romero at your disposal, more consistent performances are to be expected. Thomas Frank’s (Danish hot dog) more defensive approach starkly contrasts with the exciting (unhinged) former manager Ange Postecoglou’s high pressing (to a fault) style. The reckless and high flying Aussie’s tenure was not all bad; the club won their first silverware in seventeen years (Europa League victors) while finishing just outside the relegation zone in the Prem. These mixed results for a club of Tottenham’s try hard stature simply do not cut it for power hungry owners (no good deed goes unpunished). Regardless of the change in management, the Lily Whites once again find themselves toward the bottom half of the table as professional football nears its midterm (they currently sit in the less than respectable 14th place in the table). We’ll see if Tommy boy the niffler can slytherin his way toward the European spots come the end of the season (maybe even win a shiny trophy?).
Predictions for Christmas Fixtures
Manchester United – 1 vs Newcastle – 2
The home side (the red devils) will likely struggle as Woltemade has rediscovered his scoring form in time for the holidays.
Nottingham Forest – 2 vs Man City – 3
Nottingham Forest has turned over a new leaf in recent game weeks with formidable attacking displays. I expect City to win out with their superior attacking assets (though their defense historically leaves much to be desired).
Arsenal – 4 vs Brighton – 1
This Arsenal side is quite possibly the deepest I have witnessed in my time following professional soccer (hot take I know!). Boasting what would appear to be the interchangeability of three starting lineups (having Martinelli, Trossard, and Eze, not to mention the two footed Madueke capable of operating on the left wing) should tell you enough.
Brentford – 2 vs Bournemouth – 2
I predict a tie for two teams that boast similar profiles. Both sides on their day can put in a formidable attacking shift thanks to the likes of a certain Antoine Semenyo and Igor Thiago.
Burnley – 1 vs Everton – 2
Burnley Burnley Burnley what to do with you (problem child)? It would seem that you remain the leagues punching bag (above the lowly Wolves at least). The Evertonians have not looked to be the most frightening, and with the electric Ilman Ndiaye away on national team duty for Senegal, they won’t be as potent, but I say they grind out a win.
Liverpool – 3 vs Wolves – 0
With the drama queen Salah away on international duty, the team can focus. And with Wirtz finding his footing at the right time, the toothless Wolves will be handed a thumping at the Kop.
West Ham – 1 vs Fulham – 2
Fulham is looking to cook some great cherry pie this Christmas thanks to Harry Wilson treeing out of his mind, the team’s other attacking threat Chukuwezee will not be missed.
Chelsea – 3 vs Aston Villa -2
With Cole Palmer back in time for the holiday fixtures, this should be a shoot out between two high flying offenses. Something tells me the home Chelsea side will manage to get the better of the hot shot villains.
Sunderland – 1 vs Leeds – 1
Although Calvert -Lewin is playing the best football of his life in the past few weeks, this compact and defensively sound Sunderland side will permit only a draw to take place on their home turf.
Crystal Palace – 1 vs Spurs – 3
Both teams have been severely underperforming as Palace are without some key members. They are now looking like the palace of old (historically subpar performers); Spurs could actually kick (pun intended) into gear against this depleted side.
Recent Comments