Hello one and all favelazoneheads. I hope the late summer air is tinged with nostalgia and evocative twilight as we wave goodbye to yet another magical three months (best out of the year – don’t care what anyone says). The long lazy summer days are not the only things we are waving goodbye to. Queen Elizabeth the II has passed away after an extremely long (she holds first place for queens and second place for all monarchs to King Louis XIV). So damn that was impressive. And honestly thank god. Even though the roles of monarchs in most countries (if they even still have them) are drastically diminished (just ask Maha Vajiralongkorn of Thailand) I for one am glad her fuckboi sons were not the figureheads of the last great empire for the past two decades and century. I will miss Queen Elizabeth II (its like I never knew her) and the matches that were postponed as a result of her passing.
Hello Goodbye
What we also get to wave goodbye to is Liverpool’s juggernaut status in the prem this season, cuz sheesh, it seems like another monarch has fallen (the Egyptain King Salah) for he has not been firing, and on that note the sight of the other self described king (Ronaldo) playing (not well) in the Europa League really is a sign of the times. It seems like the universe is easing the gauntlet out of the current holders’ hands and into those of Majin Bu (Erling Haaland).
Black Magic
Ok – so above we have Pogba and friends (or are they really?). Paul Pogba, has millions of dollars in the prime of his life, has enjoyed wild success with his national team, and is living a fairy tale dream (Not Snow White’s) in real life – sounds terrible. What to do with all that money? If I was in such a glorious position I would likely always pay for parking and at restaurants order whatever the hell I want. Other than that my life likely would not change all that much aside from the fact that I would travel more frequently and have a larger budget for music videos and subsequently party with much hotter chicks, not have to work for a living…, etc. Alright fine! You caught me! My life would change entirely! However, one of the things not on the top of my list of things to do would be hiring a witch doctor to cast spells on the most prolific French talent of this generation and player (and friend? You think you know a guy…) that helped me lift the World Cup (every professional soccer players’ dream). But not everyone has this fairy tale life, and not everyone is Paul Pogba.
In one of the more bizarre stories to come to light in the world of soccer (it has echoes of Benzema and Valbuena’s sextape scandal minus the fantastical elements), Paul Pogba is apparently being extorted by his brother Mathias and childhood friends (now referred to as a gang) for 13 million dollars because they apparently spent the other millions partying? Paul was apparently attempting to dole out some tough love and encourage his brother and childhood friends to hack it in the real world and not spend all his hard earned cash. I always try to see both sides of the story – Paul likely in his older wiser age of thirty was tired of partying and preferred a quieter lifestyle; no longer wanting to bank roll his bro and homies who still wanted to run the streets and as a result were not pleased. The gang did not take kindly to this Pogbanian decree; and turned on their former slush fund manager. There are reports of masked gunmen being involved along with friendly neighborhood boogeymen/he/his. Paul apparently in response to his brother Mathias’ threats to unveil the true Pogba via an Instagram live session came out ahead of the drama and shared that he did consult the dark arts but for the noble purpose of solving world hunger in Africa. Mbappe also came out and said he was not involved in the drama and contributed the most passive aggressive statement of the year
“…We have a big competition (the World Cup) coming up. He (Paul Pogba) has some issues at the moment so it is not the moment to add to them for him and that’s it.” – Kylian Donatello “the ninja turtle” Mbappe
By stating that Paul Pogba had enough issues (fitness issues of course, but could Mbappe be hinting at the bigger picture which is general loss of form?) Either way, Paul Pogba may want to be hanging around higher quality individuals (though you cannot choose your family) and may want to look into hiring more adroit witchdoctors because Mbappe does not seem to be slowing down anytime soon and world hunger in Africa has yet to be solved (perhaps Pogba should consult Marcus Rashford CBE instead of witch doctors).
A Good time to be a Madridista
Madrid remain the ONLY team in Europe’s top five leagues to have an unbeaten record. Now this is impressive. Even with King Karim Benzema out of the picture with a right leg muscle injury , Veni (in this case Vini) Vidi Vici (thanks Ray Hodgson) is mesmerizing everyone with his majestic Brazilian flair (and dancing quite well after goals to boot). This team is humming, and has clearly cemented their place amongst the best as the most prolific side of the past ten years. Even with the departure of stalwart Casemiro for Manchester United (step down much?) the team is as robust as ever, and hats off to the technical director for easing in the new guard with brilliant signings over the past few years including Fede Valverde (what Aaron Ramsey should have been), Rodrygo Goes (the poised super sub), and more recently Eduardo Camavinga (thank you Rennes), Tchouaméni (at least Monaco is still good at developing young talent if not consistently winning games) and Antonio Rudiger (Chelsea burnout). Madrid is a smooth operation balancing youthful energy with seasoned experience.
A History Lesson
The transfer window has slammed shut and a 37 year old Cristiano Ronaldo finds himself playing in the Europa League for the first time since he was 18 years old with Sporting Lisbon. Teams that would have been begging for Cristiano’s signature a few short years ago are now shunning him as he sends his agent to make his way to their balconies by cloak of night to attempt to romantically woo them. All the heavyweights turned him down, even those who could pay his massive wages insisted that he “would not fit their footballing philosophy” sounds like a load of BS to me, Thomas Tuchel would still have a job had he let Cristiano join them (hot take but I believe so). This is where the man in the picture above comes into play. Alfredo Di Stefano, arguably the most complete footballer the game has ever seen, joined Real Madrid in his late twenties and proceeded to dominate for the next decade (the sixties) with the best team in the history of football into his late thirties. By my research Di Stefano remained an influential figure with the side. And it is ironic because the paradigm of “players only now being able to continue to play into their later years at a high level due to improvements in sports science” has taken hold of our sheep mentality. So what is the hang up on Cristiano? He scored 24 goals in 38 appearances during the 2021/2022 season with Manchester United and his professionalism is undeniable. I don’t know what to think anymore about anything. Like this is one of the greatest of all time we are talking about and he still maneuvers athletically as he did in his mid twenties. Did we all not see his almost amazing overhead goal when he came on late for Manchester United against Leicester City? We are not dealing with a normal player let alone person; and Champions League teams would be wise to take notes on this situation. His experience would be an incredible boon and he would be the perfect leader on the pitch. Since I didn’t get my wish of seeing Ronaldo at Paris Saint Germain, I believe the Chelsea move would have been a great switch, but it didn’t happen either.
It seems that it is now Ronaldo’s fate to toil in the Europa League and play a bit part for a seemingly rejuvenated Manchester United side (for now). I suppose we should all be grateful that we still get to see Ronaldo play, but it seems that a player of his caliber, mentality, and physical condition should still be able to play at the highest level. It is strange to watch this forced decline, and I understand that all greats eventually bow to father time, but I believe that in the case of Cristiano this is happening two years prematurely and just as the other Real Madrid great Di Stefano got to ball at the highest level until age forty, so should Cristiano Ronaldo.
Thanks to the select matches Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea, and Leeds being postponed I am lacking a full side this week (much like others I presume). I refused to play a chip so I am taking the L in fielding a half mast side (its happened before). God save my team as well!
Appendix
The Pogbas need a reality tv show bih
That would be a hit. Guest Starring Jose Mourinho.